New LifeStyles - San Diego

Winter/Spring 2015

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63 Please say, "I found you in New LifeStyles!" The hardest thing I've ever had to do was place my parents in a nursing center. They had been living with me for a short period of time, when Dad's condition deteriorated to the point where it was obvious that he would need round-the-clock nursing care. Mom was already exhibiting signs of dementia so it was clearly dangerous for her to be alone in the house. Besides, after 60 years of marriage, it would have been cruel to separate them. Dad passed away three months later but at this writing, my mother who is almost ninety, is still in the nursing center. I've learned a lot of things. I've discovered ways to make our visits pleasant and satisfying. I have been a keen observer of other residents and their visitors. I noticed how so many visitors sit awkwardly in silence while their loved one stares into space, seemingly oblivious to their presence. Worse yet, I've encountered numerous residents who never get a visitor. While it is true that distance can be a major factor, it is also apparent to me that the nursing center has, in effect, become a dumping ground for many elderly persons. My research shows that while there is ample material for health care professionals working in assisted living and nursing center care, there isn't anything written specifically for families. There are plenty of books on choosing the right nursing center, handling financial and legal matters, but that's where it ends. In reality, that's not where it ends for you. The stress of decision-making, handling financial affairs, and making all the necessary arrangements may be over, but now you've embarked on another phase of care-giving. You undoubtedly feel guilty about placing your loved one in a nursing center. You are not alone in feeling this way. Taking care of a loved one goes beyond providing living arrangements. If you establish a good working partnership with the facility, then your caregiving will take on a new dimension. So what happens now? What do you do? Whether you live close by or far away, you'll find handy tips for making your visits special. There is no need to feel awkward or uncomfortable while visiting your loved one. As you begin to spend more time in this new phase of your loved one's life, you will feel at ease and even develop some techniques for making your visits special. Think quality and not quantity. Think zany and not zealous. Think "want to" and not "have to". You won't have any regrets about what you're doing, and when the time comes to say that last goodbye to your loved one, you'll be at peace with yourself. You won't be saying "I should've… I could've… you'll be saying "I did it" and you'll be glad that you did! An excerpt taken from the book by Chloe JonPaul - To order, call 800-819-6095 What Happens Next? A family guide to nursing center visits… and more

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