Issue link: https://www.newlifestylesdigital.com/i/796044
Friendship Through Older Eyes 4 As we think about how we can help the older adults we love to develop or sustain the friend- ships that are so valuable to them, the words of an old Girl Scout campfire song come to mind. "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." When my 87-year-old mom first moved into an assisted living community, she proclaimed to my sisters and me, "Don't expect me to make friends with any of these old people here. I've had enough friends in my lifetime!" But of course, being natu- rally gregarious, she did make friends. She played bridge with the same ladies week aer week, and they became very close to one another. When one of her bridge partners passed away, she called to tell me. "I really loved her you know," she said. We risk being hurt when we take a chance on friend- ship, but it's a risk worth taking. Older adults living in community oen find that the friends they make in that setting provide a type of support group. ese are the people who notice if they aren't feeling well at lunch. ey're the ones who save up family news, stories, and jokes to share with one another. And together, they enjoy a richer quality of life because of their friendship. Adult children and caregivers can cultivate new friendships among elders by pointing out things they have in common, or by offering to take an elder and new friend to a concert, for a drive, or to share a meal out. With all due respect to our elders, it's not dissimilar from helping children make new friends--just with a different set of activities. Many seniors also have memories of life-long friends they cherish. ose who have passed away and those who may still be alive but living a distance away. ese are the golden friendships, and they must also be treasured. If possible, help an elder you love place a long distance phone call, or even Skype or "face time" a good friend he or she doesn't get to see in person any more. If it's a parent you're helping, you may want to leave the room once you make the connection. e old friends may need to commiserate about how "bossy" their adult children have become! I believe most of us would say that the friendships we have add tremendous joy to our lives. In some ways they are the very fabric of our existence. ere's no reason why we all, at any age, can't have rich friendships. We should each have someone whose friendship we value so much that we could echo the words of Winnie-the-Pooh: "If you live to be a hundred, I hope I live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." Friendship matters. Of all the losses our elders incur, friendship doesn't have to be one of them. Nancy Parker Brummett is the author of e Hope of Glory, A Devotional Guide for Older Adults, and Take My Hand Again, A Faith-based Guide for Helping Aging Parents. Learn more about her life and work at www.nancyparkerbrummett.com. ~ By Nancy Parker Brummet Nancy Parker Brummett is a freelance writer, au- thor and speaker living in Colorado Springs, CO. Her most recent book is Take My Hand Again, a companion guide for those caring for older adults. Photo Courtesy of NancyParkerBrummett.com "We should each have some- one whose friendship we value so much that we could echo the words of Winnie-the-Pooh: 'If you live to be a hundred, I hope I live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live with- out you.' Friendship matters."